BizwareMagic's Funny Quotes

Top 14 Funny Quotes & More...
Warhol Quote Pin

Category: Funny
"Warhol got it wrong, with the arrival of social media, in the future everyone will be an idiot for 15 minutes or more in some cases..." - Bizwaremagic.com

Google Quote Pin

Category: Funny
"Who died and made Google God? - Bizwaremagic.com"

Marriage Quote Pin

Category: Funny
"God's great cosmic joke on the human race was requiring that men and women live together in marriage. - Mark Twain"

Pants Quote Pin

Category: Funny
"If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month. - Theodore Roosevelt"

Internet Quotes Pin

Category: Funny
"The problem with stealing quotes off the internet is you never know if they are genuine. ~ Abraham Lincoln."

Chance Quote Pin

Category: Funny
"Never miss a good chance to shut up. ~ Will Rogers."

Sharp Tongue Quote Pin

Category: Funny
"A person with a sharp tongue will eventually cut themselves. ~ J. Robson Koenig."

Steve Martin Quote Pin

Category: Funny
"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. ~ Steve Martin."

Nothing Quote Pin

Category: Funny
"I started out with nothing... I still have most of it."

Absent Minded Pin

Category: Funny
"Funny, I don't remember being absent minded."

Will 
Rogers Pin

Category: Funny
"The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket. ~ Will Rogers."

Donald Trump Smart Pin

Category: Funny
"Trump Is The New Smart. ~ Abraham Lincoln."


Here are a few more funny quotes that should put a smile on your face:

Dorothy Parker Money Quote

Want to know what God thinks of money? Look at the people he gave it to. ~ Dorothy Parker

Clint Eastwood Marriage Quote

They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning. ~ Clint Eastwood




Molly Ivins Narrow-Minded Quote

He was so narrow-minded, he could see through a keyhole with both eyes. ~ Molly Ivins

Butch Hancock Sex Quote

Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth, and you should save it for someone you love. ~ Butch Hancock




Abraham Lincoln's Idea Quote

He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know. ~ Abraham Lincoln

Demetri Martin's Heart Attack Quote

I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades. ~ Demetri Martin




Anonymous Parachute Quote

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain. ~ Anonymous

 Yogi Berra Funeral Quote

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours. ~ Yogi Berra




Charlie Chaplin Jerks Quote

It isn't the ups and downs that make life difficult; it's the jerks. ~ Charlie Chaplin

Jimmy Carter Wife Quote

I have often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming. ~ Jimmy Carter




Picasso Poor Man Quote

I'd like to live like a poor man - only with lots of money. ~ Pablo Picasso

Clarence Darrow President Quote

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. I'm beginning to believe it. ~ Clarence Darrow



The Dragonfly's Laugh Challenge

The Dragonfly Laugh Challenge.

Do You Have A Funny Bone? Find Out By Taking The Dragonfly Laugh Challenge. See how many of these funny quotes/jokes/puns you can read WITHOUT laughing.

Put a little torture in your day - Take The Test!



Top 14 Funny Quotes. Here are some more favorite funny sayings. Please note, quotes have been vetted, but some attributions may be wrong or hard to determine who said them.



Life is too important to take seriously. ~ Oscar Wilde? Corky Siegel?

Winning is habit. Unfortunately, so is losing. ~ Vince Lombardi.

Pro is to con as progress is to Congress.

If you understand what you're doing, you're not learning anything. ~ Abraham Lincoln

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

I didn't know it was impossible when I did it.

The only really decent thing to do behind a person's back is pat it.

Furious activity is no substitute for understanding. ~ H. H. Williams

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

One way to stop a runaway horse is to bet on him.

Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance? ~ Edgar Bergen

Always live within your income, even if you have to borrow money to do so. ~ Josh Billing

You cannot kill time without injuring eternity. ~ Henry David Thoreau



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Bizwaremagic Collection of Funny Quotes

BizwareMagic's Funny Collection

Listed on this page are some of the funniest and wittiest quotes found on the web.

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Mark Twain's Top 21 Zingers



Oscar's Wilde Top 10 Zingers








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